Am I Getting the Axe?

I’m sure that you’ve all heard. It’s literally everywhere. Mates, oh poor Mates. He’s been canceled. He’s no longer our captain. He is now a commoner like the rest of us. Even worse, he’s a serf now. Note: this is not the “Chey, get tubular” spelling of surf, it’s the “Cough cough (black plague) <death>” spelling of serf. BIG difference there.

I for one am shocked and saddened for Mates. But vastly more importantly, WHAT DOES THIS MEAN FOR ME?!

I mean George and I are pretty cool, right? Like, we grew up together. Maybe I have sabotaged him a tad bit over the years and have possibly talked behind his back to anyone who would listen. Oh, and there was that one time I insinuated that he was a serial killer… But like we are homies. We are tight… I think.

The question bears to be asked: Am I next? Soon will the Classiest of Cassys be writing an article about me entitled “Dehd-Simp, Daw, Axed as Everyone Celebrates”? Will an upcoming day forever be emblazoned as VD Day?

It’s “Victory over Daw Day”, people, get your mind out of the gutters.

Holy shit, guess there’s only one way out. Friggin write about some tunes baaaaaaaby. Two articles in one week with one more to come. Someone must be on spring break amiright?!

New music is for Listening Parties, so relax.

Today we will talk about songs that make me an invaluable member of the Indie Pong franchise. Songs that I love that also prove that I am indeed, extremely indie and just a pretty all around cool guy. For this list I stuck to a few criteria: no repeat artists, only smaller artists (exposure matters), choice cuts only, 5 tracks because we love a prime number.

Friendly Ghost by Harlem:

I’m a big Harlem fan. The band, I haven’t been to the place yet. The whole album “Hippies” is a real solid offering. My favorite song on this album is definitely Friendly Ghost. Who here doesn’t love a friendly ghost. Shout out to my mans Casper. I mean I almost got a tattoo of a friendly ghost less than a year ago (don’t tell my mom, please). 

What I love about Harlem’s first two albums is that they are impressively unpolished. When I’m listening to them I can hear crushed cheap beer cans and a blown speaker in one of their amps from an ill fated rendition of Bob Segar’s “Night Moves”. They are purposefully rough and unpolished and I’m all about purposeful sloppiness. If it ain’t rough around the edges then no thank you. That’s what I say.

Heavenly Showers by Twin Peaks:

Oh boy, Daw snuck a sad song in here. Didn’t see that one coming. Jk jk I’m contractually obligated to write about at least 10% sad songs. We all saw it coming. I feel like at least once in every 5 articles I reference Twin Peaks but have not actually ever written about them in any substantial way. Twin Peaks are awesome. And now you get my full thoughts on them

I love how this song starts off nice and slow and barebones. Just some storytelling and acoustic guitars. It lays bare the emotional patina of this song. Slowly, we are greeted by our old friend, Madame electric organ. She grabs our hand and guides us to the second verse. At the end of verse two we hear a knock at the door, an “OH YEAH”, and then we are enveloped by a wall of sound that guides us on our way to the completion of the track.

Long Way Home by Dehd:

“We get it Daw, you love Dehd. Relax” No, actually it’s you who should relax, because Dehd is the best band out there and if you disagree then I assume that you have no taste, which is fine but I don’t respect your opinion.

So, the other day I was watching some opening day baseball and I was thinking to myself, what would be my walk up song. “Walk This Way” seemed a bit on the nose, “Enter the Sandman” is too iconic, “The Humpty Dance” was too corny. I was having a lot of trouble. Then it hit me, it’s got to be “Long Way Home”.

Why is “Long Way Home” the perfect walk up song you may ask. Reason 1: It’s baseball adjacent. I don’t know if you’ve played bird ball before, but it is a strangely long walk around the diamond to get home. One may say it’s a long way home… Reason 2: That opening guitar riff snaps everyone out of their hotdog induced sun coma and brings them to attention. I’m a youngest sibling so I need all eyes on me or I will get upset. It’s just what it is. Reason 3: this song is perfect for a nice lively dance walk. I’m thinking props, glitter, bedazzled cod pieces. It’s a mind game out there on the ol dusty diamond, and I will f**k you up.

Jj by Priests:

Speaking of f**king people up let’s turn the energy up. I saw this group at the Goose Island block party (no gooses and no island, what a bummer) I want to say 3 years ago. I was man bunned up and feeling frisky. Looking back it wasn’t the best look but who gives a shit. The past is made for mistakes. That’s how we grow.

Anyways, I had not heard of Priests by this point. From start to finish this was quite possibly the most engaging and energetic concert I maybe have ever been to. From start to finish I was dancing like there was a whole damn ant hill in my pants. This song brings me back to that moment, and damnit I’m still dancing like a man bunned up dummy. I love the western inspired guitar, the frantic drums, and the talk of cigarettes and models sticking their fingers in light sockets. Quality track Priests, thanks.

**HIDDEN TRACK** by Prince Daddy & The Hyena:

I saw these dudes live at a Halloween Beach Bunny show at Thalia Hall a couple of years ago. They were super cool and put on a great show. After the show they hungout by the coat check (big baller move). When I stopped to say that they were awesome and that I loved their show the guitarist definitely made fun of me a lot. In his defense, I looked decidedly un-punk rock. I had dressed up as a beach bunny for the Beach Bunny show and something about my delicate rabbit ears didn’t exactly scream, “This guy isn’t to be fucked with”. This was upsetting but also, I’m cool and hip and don’t need approval from anyone besides my dad so I’m fine. I’M FINE, I SAID.

Anyways, I love this song. I love how it starts off happy and fun – daisies, sunshine, and a kind demeanor. Bells as an instrument, WHY NOT. “I’m gonna turn it around and value myself a little bit more” I think to myself. Then out of nowhere, GUITAR AND DISTORTION tells me to get up and start doing destructive shit. Let’s drink some beers and set some shit on fire. Being accountable and focussed on self growth is almost as un-punk rock as bunny ears and short shorts. And we are friggin’ punk rock around these parts.

Mr. Hyena, I’m cool now and would really appreciate an apology in the form of a sledgehammer to anything breakable.

Update: I’ve been told that this was all an April Fools joke, but my job still may be in jeopardy. Welp what can ya do.

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