It has come to this.
At the start of the Song of Summer Series I vowed to do my due diligence. I worked hard finding some upbeat, fun, summer time good times songs. I did exactly what was tasked of me by my superiors. I followed the indiepong Summer Series contract to a T.
Earlier this week I logged on to indiegram to check out what kind of fun, new updates indiepong had coming. What did I find? Mate’s had an article ranking his subordinates’ work.
Of course Mates ranked himself number one overall, as any competent leader would. I scrolled down. What did I find? I found myself looking down the bad end of a bell curve. 4th best.. oof. Ya know what? Maybe Mates just doesn’t get it. I mean, he did text me several times to tell me that I was posting heat, but maybe he’s just being a good friend and gassing me up. I appreciate that about Mates. Always looking out for his buddies. Great guy.
Oh another update! Uruguay the Band checked in. That is so exciting! I wonder if they rated me higher? Maybe a smooth 3. A good prime number may be just what I need to turn my fortunes around. Nope, second to last now. This is trending in the wrong direction for me at the moment.
So, as the well adjusted adult that I am, I did what I had to do. I ISSUED AN ULTIMATUM BABY. I am going on strike if, by the end of the weekend, I am not crowned the king of Song of the Summer Series.
So, you heard it here first. I am going on strike by this time Monday if I don’t get the respect I deserve.
Why should I be first place you may ask (BRIAN and URUGUAY THE BAND)?
Range. That’s why.
I gave you people a dance song with more clap beats than a Blue Man Group performance circa 2001.
Then I lit it up with a nice and bubbly rap song about the perils of love, and guns and such.
Next a song about buttered muffins, big d’s and chais longue’s. (Did I mention that this is the song of the year?) Seems like I should be starting to get a little traction, eh?
Finally, I capped it off with some new Tyler the Creator featuring Youngboy Never Broke Again, and Ty Dolla $ign. After hearing this song I’m 90% that Youngboy is the next RnB breakthrough artist that we never knew we needed. Chais Longue is my favorite song, but I guarantee that Wusyaname will take over the internet in the next few days (if it hasn’t already).
I’m hoping that I don’t have to flex my union muscles and get to pacing and chanting by next week instead of writing articles, but that’s not my choice. This is a decision for the big brass now. I’m looking at you Mates and Uruguay the Band.
Make the right choice.