I honestly don’t even want to match songs to these, I just felt the urge to blog about the 5 best Trader Joe’s meals, but since this is a music blog it’s the least I can do.
5. Mozzarella Sticks
I chose this image because this is pretty generally what they look like, some of them always explode, and it’s okay because they’re almost better that way.
Hold up.
I just had the thought that Trader Joe’s should probably be paying me to write this article. So if you’re an executive for Trader Joe’s and you want to see the rest of this fire ass list then you better HMU ASAP with an offer or I’ll… meh yeah whatever.
The thing that makes these mozzarella sticks stand out is that at Ralph’s (AKA Jewel/Dominics/Peoples/whatever it is in NY) is that they’re $4.50 at TJ’s, and like $6+ everywhere else. I swear I go to Ralph’s and they’re like $8. Best mozzarella stick deal around, and they’re rock solid. The song to match is:
4. Lamb Vindaloo
This is a fire dish, and the price? ALSO $4.50. The key here is to put the whole thing in a bowl, so you don’t have to scoop out bites of rice and then stab your lamb pieces like a caveman. So before I announce the song to match this dish, I want you to know that I am fully aware that I didn’t need to pick an artist of Indian descent. However I thought about it, and if someone else did a list and they picked a Japanese dish I would probably ask myself “why not a Japanese artist?”- which led me to my decision. A little bit spicy, and lasts you for hours:
3. Orange Chicken
The classic. We all know what it’s like to bite a corner off the sauce packet and watch it shoot in an unexpected direction. I once had a friend to refer to it as a similar experience to eating bad seafood and then an hour and a half later experiencing the worst- nevermind let’s get right into the song. I know I just made a huge point about representation that will be echoed for decades and that this also isn’t topical but tell me this isn’t exactly how you feel when you take advantage of this household name grocery good:
2. Caesar Salad for $3.50
This is just a wild deal. You can get a caeasar salad at Wendy for this price or cheaper, but that mf small. This is a full ass caesar salad and quite frankly, the single item that inspired me to write this post. Kind of can’t lose with this one, unless you let it sit for a week and let the lettuce get all pink. Song is:
Before we proceed, I would like to say that I think it’s disgusting that Trader Joe’s switched from paper to plastic bags. You’ll notice it happened right after the founder died (RIP), which is just gross. Shame on you Trader Joe’s. Shame on you.
But that being said just bring your own bags, the meal deals they have are bangers.
1. Wild Mushroom & Black Mushroom Flatbread w/ Mozzarella Cheese
My mom used to buy ’emergency meals’ from Trader Joe’s and keep them in the freezer. Granted they were actually emergency meals, since my mom was a fantastic cook and we rarely needed them. Well one time in middle school on a summer afternoon I asked my mom if I could make this pizza looking thing that was lodged in between a Sam’s Club pack of Flavor-Ice and a 2 year old pumpkin ice cream in the freezer that I had overzealously bought (Truffle Mushroom Flatbread) and to my elation she said yes. Well, let’s just say it’s been a steady stream since then, this is easily the most consumed product in my life, ringing up at a repetitive and wonderful $4.50. So this obviously isn’t what I’d listen to while eating this at least once a week for the past 10 years, more of November Rain guy, but okay:
Yeah anyways go to Trader Joe’s or don’t, switching to plastic bags makes me want to puke, so don’t care, but if you ARE going to go these are the bangers.
Also don’t go on Sunday it’s just absolute chaos.